Saturday, November 19, 2005
Ron(Cos like.everyone likes him arnd.He's always so friendly and stuff)
Bryan(Dunno why.But he's like..the coordinator of most things)
Harrison(Seems like everyone wants him arnd)
Ben(He was higher I guess,till the whole thing with me and him)
Me
Yea.Its like noone wants me arnd anymore.No one tells me anything.Kinda feel very leftout.Cos I'm the kinda guy who needs friends.They are very impt to me.Which is why since pri sch,I always had a very close friend to talk to.Share my feelings with.Pri sch was Shi Yuan and much later,Jac.Sec 1..I din have any close friends.Cos well I din really know anyone?Except Yong Kit and Elvin cos YK from Aitong also and our classes were kinda close while Elvin was cos we attended the same chinese lessons at Eduplus.Sec2 was Kenneth Sim.Then now is Harrison.Maybe cos we live near each other and stuff thats why we're pretty close?But it's like..he's the only guy I'm really comfortable talking to about stuffs.And maybe cos we're sorta in the same boat or sth?Yea.So its like...I've been pushed to the lowest member of this clique.Kinda hard to take considering I was sorta the link at the beginning.
So met Harrison at my block arnd 1630.Supposed to go Hougang check out for Fifa06.But was like he wanted to go play pool and see her?So ok lor.We went there instead.Reached arnd 5+.then we played till arnd 8?or abit earlier.Then we left for dinner.Tapao-ed Macs to Jas house.Then was there till close to 10 before we came home.Had quite a good time today.Loads of laughter.
So right now,I'm sitting here...just thinking abt her...It seems so..desperate I know.But I also dunno why I think of her so much?Considering we aren't close anymore.And that she likes another guy.And that she asks Bryan to call her to chat at night?And that she smses Bryan so often now?I admit I'm jealous cos well,I miss talking to her.
What I'm messed up about is that she's this girl who I don't mind sacrificing my time and money for.When she went to Scotts Rd to work,I'd wake up early and meet her at Yishun and follow her to work and just wait for her from 12 to 8.No questions asked.For almost 3 days straight.When she went to work at Simei,I had no qualms about going all the way from Bishan to almost the end of Singapore just to get a glimpse of her.No complaints.Till I got home so late that night that I'm now kinda not wanting to go there too often.But I want to.But now I can't cos tmr got dinner with my granddad and stuffs.Then Sun got tuition and after that need go my grandparents hse.And I'm not sure if she's still working on Mon.So its like yea.Then I've sorta calculated how much I spent on her.I spent $8 for the concert tickets that time.Another $8 on the Brothers Grimm movie the guys and girls watched together to sorta celebrate Harrison's bday.Then got the $10 I gave her for "allowance" cos I was her Laopa.Then the $3 I gave her to top-up her ezlink card.And when she wanted the Jay Chou CD,I spent $19.90 just to get it for her.But under Bryan's name cos he was supposed to get it,but never had the intention to do so.Oh and I chipped in $5 for her bday gift with the guys.Sorta totalled up to slightly more than $50.Shocking huh.
Here's the problem.I know she'll never like me.But here I am spending all this time and money on her and I don't find it a waste at all.You might think"Oh you asshole.So much money to spend you spend it on a girl who doesn't even like you?Nutjob asswipe."But that's the thing I'm messed up about.It's not a waste to me.At all.I'm more than happy to buy her that CD.Seeing her face when she got the CD,I was so happy inside.Cos you shld have seen the look on her face.She was smiling from ear to ear.I was just so darn happy to see her like this.Just to see her smile.So cheerful.I want her to be happy...and I guess that's also why I don't want her to know I got her the CD.Cos I don't want her to think I'm only getting it just so I can win her heart.I just want to see her smile.And her smiles bring me elation.I'm messed up right?Hah...
rewind-`
|12:40 AM|
LOVE;
WISHLIST;